Sex Rehab with Dr. Who?

So I was flipping past VH1 the other day and I saw a teaser for a show with people talking about sex. Mind you, this could qualify as any current reality-based show on that network, so I waited a few seconds, and there it was: Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew. First thought: Good Lord! Second Thought: Are You Kidding Me? Third Thought: Of course not, you're VH1.

Here's the deal. A few years back, VH1 hopped onto the reality television craze by adding celebrities to the formula. But not just any celebrities; has-been celebrities. Those who were popular 10 to 20 years ago. Those who were on Baywatch, and pro wrestling shows, and Baldwin movies. Those who, shall we say, have enough free time and lack of current employment to be in a reality show. That's not really the point, though. The point is, VH1 had the Surreal Life, which was a take off of the Real World, but instead of regular annoying people, they brought in the celebrity annoying, and watched as chaos ensued. I actually enjoyed that show. Then they brought in Celebrity Fit Club, which took all those fat, out of shape, washed up celebrities and tried to get them in shape. Oh, but wait, they can't get into shape, because (dramatic pause) they're on drugs! Oh goodness, the suits took two steps back and though 'What do we do now? Here's an idea, let's put the addicts in a house, like the Surreal Life, but we can't use that name, so we'll just be more to the point. They're in Celebrity Rehab, which is similar to rehab but with more famous people and cameras. And we'll bring in Dr. Drew for good measure.'

A side note: I used to think Dr. Drew was a pretty cool guy. He was a younger, cooler doctor who knew about teenage sex problems and was there to help. He was on television late at night with Adam Carolla and various punk musicians no less, but he still knew what he was talking about. So I thought he was cool, and was doing a public service. But after the 18th show about famous people with health issues, I'm sort of beginning to think he's milking the cameras and the attention. I'm just saying.

So back to Celebrity Rehab. This show was an abomination. A horrible sight to see. Apparently they didn't have enough washed up celebrities to put on camera, so they had to bring in fake one's like Rodney King. I'm sorry about what happened to him in 1991, but that doesn't make him a celebrity. So he's there and then various models showed up. I know, models on drugs? What sick, bizarro world is this? Even drugged out Jeff Conaway showed up, and by showed up I mean was pushed out of a moving car by his girlfriend on her way to wherever she goes in the morning. Jeff Conoway, who apparently was in Grease 30 year ago, is in his 50's and moves like he's been hit by a car. Maybe he has, who am I to say. His body is ravaged by drugs and it's very sad, but somehow he and the cameras find their way towards one another time and time again. The point being, this collection of decrepit, screwed-up, non-celebrities is no place for a television camera, unless those cameras belong to VH1. I saw a few episodes of this program, and after watching a few zombies go through withdrawal as the camera rolled, I felt impure and had to change the channel.

This all brings us to Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew, the latest installment in the Dr. Drew/VH1 chronicles. As it turns out, this particular rehab program will be with regular people who suffer from sex addiction, not celebrities, because that would totally distract from the addiction itself. No one wants to see a sex addicted celebrity - and by no one I mean everyone. Unfortunately I don't know a lot about sex addiction, having never experienced it. I figured it's like being an adult film star without the money and the cameras and the three other people.

David Duchovny is famous for being in the X-Files and being an admitted sex addict. He is not part of this program, which is a good thing. It would be a better thing if no one was a part of this show and VH1 stuck with slightly less cringe-inducing programming. I will take the woman now known as 'New York' and Kevin Federline trying to lose weight any day over people using their addictions for fame and fortune.