Mr. Zane and His 'Toberfest

Germany brought us Oktoberfest, and America has now brought us Zanetoberfest. This event, this amalgamation of drinking, eating, singing, dancing, and balcony sex (huh?) is the fine creation of one Zane Lamprey, host of “3 Sheets” and the Fine Living Channel, host of nothing important except for “3 Sheets.” Once upon a time, on a network called MOJO, there was a show called “3 Sheets.” This show, hosted by one Zane Lamprey, an American comedian, consisted of following his Zane-ness from continent to continent, observing as he mixed and mingled with the locals to find the best and most intricate drinking traditions on the planet. Think of “Insomniac with Dave Atell” but with more culture and less fraternity members. The show was intriguing, if not only for alcoholics, but not enough to keep it on the air, or its network for that matter. “3 Sheets” was gone, toast, done, washed up, or was it? Perhaps not, as The Fine Living Network - not just the Living Network, the FINE Living Network, picked up the show and gave it life. Not only that, it also gave us Zanetoberfest.

This festival and party was held this past Saturday, October 3rd, at the M2 Ultra Lounge in New York's Chelsea District. Let me just say that having an nightclub host a beer fest in the middle of the day where they let in everyone who they wouldn't let in at night is a feat unto itself. With lines out the door, Zanetoberfest brought out men, women, and some children to pay homage to their favorite TV host who wasn't copulating with his (female) staff.. I shouldn't say that, maybe he was. The festival brought out the Ya Ya Ya's, complete with drunk accordion playing lead singer. It brought out the costumes, and the drunks, and all 5 living fans of the Fine Living Network. Mr. Zane pleased the crowd with his stand-up set, chronicling how drunk Americans stack up against drunk members of every other country (surprise, surprise, we pail in comparison to the Irish and the Croats). There were complimentary drinking glasses, which get people like me in trouble. Mentally you think you've had 3 glasses of beer, but from a measurement standpoint you've had 8, and when you're in the mens room trying to hook up with the urinal, people tend to stare. The mens room attendant said he'd seen worse, and then he demanded $50 or he was going to the Post. There were complimentary t-shirts, which would have been more complimentary if the 50 people standing in front of the stage hadn't obstructed the trajectory of the t-shirt cannon (i.e. guy throwing t-shirts). There were stickers, and flashy lights, and pendants, basically everything you get at your freshman orientation, but with more alcohol involved. There were, get this, blonde women dressed in - it doesn't matter what they were wearing, they were blonde women, duh! I even met a fellow Boston sports fan, in the center of New York, how zany is that? Pun intended.