The Olympic Round-Up

  Tomorrow night, as far as I can tell, is the last night and closing ceremony of the Winter Olympics. The most shocking event so far? Had to be when the Undertaker burnt his face while entering the Elimination Cham- oh wait, wrong every. Sorry. As I was saying, the most shocking event has to be the death of the Georgian bobsledder during a practice run on the morning of the first day of the games. That was just awful and reminder of the peril that many of these athletes go through in order to compete at the highest level.

 The Games went on, however, and had all of the intrigue of - well, I dunno. Truth be told the Winter Olympics just aren't THAT exciting. They're only exciting when someone crashes, which happens a lot. The most compelling story lines were that of Lindsey Vonn, Bode Miller, Apolo Anton Ono, and Shaun White, not necessarily in that order.

  Lindsay Vonn, or 'Princess' as she prefers to be called - is one of the world's top skiers. She's also pretty hot and has made no attempt to not use that to her advantage. Prior to the Olympics she did a photo shoot for Sports Ilustrated in various states of undress - the cover had her butt in the air in a downhill pose. As our favorite American Idol cast-off says "lookin' like a fool with your butt in the air and your pants on the ground and your hat to side and skis on the slope.' Something like that. But she won, and got into a catfight with her teammate who seems to be resentful of her looks and success. On girls, keep it clean.

Next up - Bode Miller. Mr. Miller, who was raised sans television and internet but amongst beer cans and pot plants, is also a great skier. He once did an interview with 60 minutes where he described his partying lifestyle and his propensity to drink a lot and habit of being drunk on the slopes. Not quite a media darling - we'll call him the John Daly of skiing. He did, however, win the gold in the Men's Super Combined - and celebrated with a toke and keg stand. Go Bode Go!

Apolo Anton Ohno. Also goes by the moniker AAO. He's a freaky speedskater and he won 'Dancing with the Stars' in his four-year off season. A nice guy. There was story on Yahoo! about why he yawns before a big race. It's not because he's bored or disinterested, it's because it helps fill up his lungs with air for the race. I mean, who didn't know that?

Finally, we have Shaun White. The Flying Tomato. I've studied him, and I mean this with lots of respect - he looks like the lovechild of Jenna Jameson and Carrot Top. He's a snowboarding freak, and he's not afraid to smash his head into the wall while attempting a move called the Do-Hickey-JoePa-Must-Go-Ocho-Drinko-1260. He's also a gold medalist, and he has a good dealer.

 There are some other unique personalities in these Winter Games, but they're not American so they don't get good press. I will, however, give a shout out to my skating buddy Sven Kramer of the Netherregions. He is a serial lane switcher - just when you think he should stay in his lane - he will switch.  It's a strategy that results in losing but gaining of attention and media coverage. That's the Olympic spirit. And a final shoutout to Cheryl Bernard of the Canadian Curling team and all the members of the Dutch Curling Team. Whatever they did, they look good doing it.