Shaq Versus

There once was a 7-1, 330 pound man named Shaq. He rapped, he danced, he acted, he policed, and occasionally he played basketball. He won 4 NBA titles: 3 with the Lakers, 1 with the Heat. He feuded with teammates, coaches, and his wife. And then, he had enough.

Well, that's not entirely true, but he did have enough of competing with people close to his own size, and he said 'Screw this, I'm playing volleyball, or football, or baseball, or boxing, or swimming.” And he did. Sort of.

This summer, Shaquille O'Neal brought us 'Shaq Vs.” The show is him competing against the top athletes in other sports, including Misty May Trainor and Kerri Walsh, Oscar de la Hoya, Ben Roethlisburger, Albert Pujols, and Michael Phelps. If he wanted a truly entertaining show he would have gone for tennis and hockey. He may have hurt himself in the process, but don't tell me it wouldn't be fun to watch. You root for the Cavs, I root for the big man stumbling around a rink wearing skates.

Nevertheless, Shaq Versus works because, well it's Shaq. He is a large and talented athlete, but he is charismatic and he is a goofball. He does nothing that would make you take him seriously, except for his dunking and winning of championships, and his work as a sheriff in the Orlando area. He was in 'Kazaam,' he rapped with Fu Schnickens, and now he has decided to prove his worth against his fellow elite athletes. The three sports that come to mind where Shaq would have success are volleyball, boxing, and football. Volleyball because he's tall and mobile; football because he is large, tall, and fast; and boxing because he's big and quick (their new album hits stores this month).

To date, the two most intriguing installments of this program have been Shaq versus Oscar de la Hoya and Shaq versus Michael Phelps. The boxing matchup, or mismatch as it were, proved to be the ultimate display in boxing technique. We were all waiting for Mr. O'Neal to take his size advantage and wallop Oscar de la Hoya. It never happened. They bumped and weaved and faded and ducked, and in the end, de la Hoya proved the be the winner. There was no knockout, THAT would have been great – but there is a reason de la Hoya is one the greatest boxers of all time.

Shaq versus Michael Phelps. Let's just say that no one has ever looked at him and accused the big man of being a competent swimmer. But being up to the challenge, he even went the distance and fit his extra large frame into one of those special speedo suits – not laugh out loud funny, but a sight to see nonetheless. Because Mr. Phelps is a 13-time Olympic Gold medalist, Shaq was given the handicap of using 3 assistant swimmers to help him compete, just to level the playing field a bit. It was sort of level, but not level enough to matter to the Baltimore Bullet, and he beat all four of his opponents in a come from behind victory. And then he did a cannonball off the diving board, all 7-feet, 300 pounds.

Next up can we have Shaq Versus Tony Hawk, please?