Las Ve Gas

So here's the deal... Las Vegas is about 30 hotels stacked together in the middle of the desert, there is literally nothing else there - how people survive, I suppose they just drink a lot, fall asleep, and then drink some more - and somehow their bodies sustain themselves. So the last time I was in Vegas it was 1994, I was 14 and had no legal rights to do anything, and therefore I don't remember anything of significance - I remember the Caesar's Palace fountains, but that's about it.

So fastforward 15 years, I'm allowed to do ANYTHING I want to do, but where do I begin? Well, in Vegas, what you do is, you wake up, hopefully at a reasonable hour, you go to the buffet and eat TOO much, and then you sort of walk if off over the course of 2 hours. There is now a Las Vegas Monorail, which is very helpful, albeit a little pricey, but no more tracking down a cab and attempting to give correct change with a tip. Just hop on the rail and hopefully get to a spot close to your destination. So you pick 3 or so hotels to see in one day, and there is a lot of walking and looking - there IS gambling, but what they did with Vegas is, they took out most of the seediness and built these mini amusement parks in each hotel, so you get to spend time looking for things to do at each place - and there in lies the fun. Oh yeah, did I mention the drinking, you can drink whenever, wherever, with whoever you want, it's just that accessible.

So... there's plenty to do, and unfortunately that's sort of the downside, there is TOO much to do. Every hotel has at least 3 or 4 shows you'd like to see, Cirque de Soleil alone has 6 shows in Vegas, so really - you have to pick and choose about what you really want to see and then hopefully get tickets. So, I was fortunate enough to see the Amazing Johnathan, who performs almost nightly in a gay nightclub - it's impressive, because he gets away with doing like 2 or 3 tricks in an evening, and the rest is sort of a stand-up routine with a guest from the audience. The biggest, or should I say highest thrill for me was the Insanity ride at the top of The Stratosphere Hotel. Somebody, rather smartly, built a hotel with a tower attached, and on this tower there is a viewing area, as well as three rides. The only ride that I knew would not make me pass out was the one known as Insanity, where I giant claw lifts you up and dangles you over the side of the tower, and then spins you in a circle - sort of the same experience I've had when intoxicated.

Strip clubs? we didn't quite make it to those, they have been relocated, although the nice Peruvian men and women who came to American in search of fame and freedom, well, they pass out little pornographic business cards with women doing things I didn't know were possible.

Ah Vegas!